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CHAPTER I: WHAT’S YOUR TWENTY?

Smoking weed, drinking cocktails, and laughing with celebrities seemed like an ideal career path to me. Chelsea was living my dream. She was blonde, rich, sexy, confident, and hilarious. Most of her success came from writing about her boobs, dogs, and vodka sponsored adventures. I admired people like her and hoped to be one someday. 


After studying her show’s credits, I friended the cast and crew members on social media. Somehow I managed to weasel my way into a few interviews. Then E! offered me an internship at Chelsea Lately!


Chelsea and I were going to be best friends, I could feel it. Blunts on the beach, standup shows, photoshoots, ski trips, the works. 


I sent a follow up email to the producers to thank them for the opportunity and ask them a few basic questions. They responded saying there was a mix up, because the show couldn’t bring on any more interns at that time. I was crushed. Especially since I had already bragged about it to all my friends on social media.


A few months went by and I reached out again, this time to Maggie, one of Chelsea’s assistants. After some DMs back and forth, Maggie hired me as her personal production intern. I was beyond stoked to be Chelsea’s assistant’s assistant’s assistant! It didn’t even bother me that it was an unpaid gig. It was my foot in the door to Hollywood! 


I couldn’t believe how Chelsea the Chelsea Lately offices were. Chelsea’s name and face were plastered all over everything! It was Chelsea Chelsea this and Chelsea Chelsea that. Bras were hanging from the ceilings and there were pictures of her tits and ass decorating the walls. 


If you want to be a star you essentially have to be a narcissistic egomaniac. You have to believe you’re the shit in order to convince others that you’re worthy of the spotlight. Not like I should judge, I’m a total attention whore. 


Chelsea met Maggie way before she got famous. The two of them became friends while working at a comedy club, back when Chelsea was touring on the road. Chelsea later met a rich man with major connections. He helped move Maggie out to Santa Monica to work as Chelsea’s personal assistant towards the beginning of her career. 


It took me a really long time to figure out that I was Maggie’s secret illegal intern. She told me to stay downstairs away from the rest of the cast and crew. My office was a closet that was decorated to look like a dungeon. Maggie even put a sign on the door that read “intern dungeon.” It was way too far away from the vodka water cooler and breakfast buffet.


Cameras add weight, so the female comedians taught me all sorts of diet tricks, like how to scoop all the bread out of a bagel before toasting it. My dungeon was next to the stage and guest dressing rooms, so I saw movie stars and pop stars more than my actual coworkers. 


Reese Witherspoon was one of the first celebrities I met in real life. She was so kind, funny, and itty bitty. Her face was glowing and her positive energy changed the vibes of the whole fucking building. I really wanted to tell Reese about my Legally Blonde themed thirteenth birthday party, but Chelsea made me nervous, so I hid in the corner instead. 


Maggie told me that some of the male comedians got upset when they heard that I got the original internship offer. They didn’t want some random dumb blonde Orange County girl working there. I looked like I “might break a nail.”  My heels, push up bra, and platinum blonde extensions weren’t helping. 


The crew wanted a strong man who could get shit done, which was why they revoked their previous offer. I couldn’t believe how much sexist bullshit was going on behind the scenes of a show hosted by powerful women. 


In hindsight, I might have dressed inappropriately for the interview. I looked like I wanted to be on the show, not work on the show. I was all dolled up, ready to take the stage!


The male intern they chose instead of me came from major family money. He bounced around the office on a yoga ball while drinking margaritas with the comedians. He lived in a mansion in the hills while I couch surfed around town. I loved him, but hated the fact that I was doing all the work, while he 

got all the credit and screen time!


My coworkers bragged about their wild drunken drug fueled adventures while I suffered from major fomo. I was excluded from all the big company parties and vacations, because I was an underaged secret employee.


Chelsea and I were never formally introduced, even though I worked for her for years. At times I would be in her home or office doing my job and feared she might catch me working. 


Maggie had two rules: #1 Don’t bother or talk to Chelsea. #2 Never ask a celebrity for a photo or an autograph. “Remember, you want to be a friend, not a fan!”


Chelsea was a blur. Sometimes I would see her quickly passing through the hallways between shows, flights, photoshoots, or pilates lessons. She had a reputation for being a total fucking bitch, but seemed like a really kind and generous person. Chelsea worked her ass off and funded multiple people's lives. She played pranks on friends and family members, but rewarded them later with things like bikes, cars, and vacations… which sounded like a pretty fair trade to me.


Every once in a while Chelsea would stop and look at me. She was probably wondering “WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?” I would quietly stare back at her like a deer in the headlights before bolting. Her confidence scared the shit out of me.


Chelsea’s life was abundantly filled with money and success, but I couldn't help but wonder, was it all worth it? Did she ever get a break? Would she ever get a chance to relax and enjoy everything she earned?


There was something appealing about that kind of lifestyle, even though it looked fucking exhausting. She was constantly creating and helping others. I admired her extreme level of ambition and ability to put herself out there.


Chelsea spoke to psychics for years. She didn’t talk about her magical beliefs publicly, but I desperately wanted to know more about them. Maggie told me that a famous LA psychic helped lead Chelsea towards her abundant destiny.


The power of fame and having a platform is undeniable. 


Chelsea adopted her dog from a kill shelter, which inspired people to save older dogs, instead of buying puppies. Many people sent pictures of their beloved pets to the show to thank Chelsea for influencing them to adopt animals in need. 


Taking Chunk outside for his morning shit was my duty. He seemed to time out his dumps perfectly. I was often picking up dog poop on the side of the road while celebrity guests arrived. We even made it into a few paparazzi shots!


Chunk had a snobby elitist attitude. He knew he was more rich and famous than me. He sure won the dog lottery by getting adopted by Chelsea. Shit, I wanted her to adopt me too!


One time the crew members filled my car with bottles of vodka for me to deliver to Chelsea’s friends for the holidays. No one seemed to care that I was an underaged teenager. 


It was wild seeing so many famous faces and families in real life. Most of them had butlers or servants answer their doors. Some of the celebrities invited me into their mansions to hang out, eat, or chat. Everyone assumed that I knew Chelsea personally, which made me cool by association. 


Jay Leno was eating a giant turkey leg when I walked into his office. When I handed him a bottle of vodka from Chelsea he said “LET’S TAKE A SHOT!” I was so scared of getting caught underaged drinking and driving with all that liquor in my car, so I yelled “HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!” while waving and running away from him.


One night I delivered a bottle of vodka to one of Chelsea’s friends in Malibu. She invited me to stay for Christmas cookies and snacks. She gave me a tour of her beachfront mansion while sharing stories about her fun times with Chelsea back in the day. 


People always wanted me to say something to Chelsea for them. I agreed, but never relayed their messages. They asked me so many questions about her and I would make up answers that seemed fit. Is she nice? Sure. How is she doing? Great. Is she a bitch? Totally.


Chelsea had no problem with co-workers dating one another. Where else would people meet if they were working all the time? There were lots of overlapping office romance dramas. Everyone gossiped about who was fucking who. It was hard to know what rumors were true, because the comedians lied and pranked each other all the time. 


One of the crew members went through a break up with Chelsea’s best friend and then dated Chelsea’s assistant. Then a comedian that Chelsea had a crush on dated her other assistant. He ended up dumping her and dated Chelsea later on. That relationship gave them tons of fame and attention. They gave off endgame vibes, but it didn’t last long. His comedy career took off thanks to Chelsea, but I’m sure he wanted to be single for his little fifteen minute movie star moment. Koy isn’t known for playing it coy. 


People sent Chelsea free stuff all the time. There’s so much power in being an influential trendsetter. Since Chelsea didn’t want most of those things the rest of us got to keep them. I basically got paid in extra small Juicy Couture sweatsuits and gigantic bottles of Belvedere Vodka. 


Maggie and I loved getting wasted off all the free vodka from Chelsea’s endorsement deals. We would go out to clubs looking bomb as fuck, but wear fake hillbilly teeth. Guys would hit on us, we would flash them a smile, and watch them react. Most got flustered, spilt their drinks, and ran away. It didn’t matter if other people found us funny, because we thought that we were fucking hilarious.  


One night, we got some fast food, after some bunts and cocktails. We saw a poor, sad man sitting on a bench. Maggie always wanted to help people, so we bought him some Taco Bell. When we gave him a burrito he threw it on the ground, leaped into a fancy sports car, and zoomed off while flipping us off. We thought that he was homeless, but he was just a hipster. Whoopsies. 


Chelsea drank regularly, but never drove drunk. She always had a designated driver give her a ride home. I helped her assistants get her vehicles back to her house after many drunken nights out. 


I ended up living with Kara, who was Chelsea’s main assistant. One night Chelsea got drunk and Ubered home so we had to get her car back to her house. Kara accidentally scratched Chelsea’s Bentley that night while driving and was scared to tell her what happened. Chelsea didn’t even care. It was no big deal to her. She was beyond understanding and had plenty of money to fix it. 


Kara got married young back in Oklahoma. She moved to LA to pursue her Hollywood dreams. Her husband and dog came too, but they weren’t built for that scene, so things didn’t work out. After their divorce Kara started dating one of our coworkers. The three of us lived off of tacos, Marlboro Lights, and Modeleos in West Hollywood for a few years. Now they’re real grown ups, married with a baby!


One year Kara got to spend Thanksgiving with Chelsea Handler and Jennifer Anniston. Our apartment was covered in Friends memorabilia and pictures of Jennifer Anniston. I wondered if either of them knew that Kara was a Friends superfan. Kara is pretty quiet, shy, and introverted compared to them. She was probably fanning the fuck out on the inside while trying to play it cool. 


Maggie lived in a lavish modern loft near the beach, dated hot celebrities, and only wore designer clothes. I drove her to most of her plastic surgery appointments. Her surgeon, Dr. Dubrow, was famous for appearing on reality shows. His work was incredible! I loved watching his surgical process in real life. I took care of Maggie at a fancy resort in Newport post rhinoplasty. She recovered inside while I drank poolside. Maggie ordered us everything off of the room service menu, which was Chelsea’s routine during standup tours. 


Chelsea had a little nugget sidekick named Chuy on the show. Most of the jokes about him involved his height, weight, or race. He loved it, but there’s no way that shit would fly today. Chuy gave so many hot young girls tours of the stage and office. We wondered if they were bunnies or strippers. I didn’t get many lines on the show, but they had him check me out in a few scenes.


The stylists didn’t think I was skinny enough to play sexy roles. They layered me up in corsets and shapewear to help make me look more attractive. In one episode Chuy stared at my tits during a yoga scene. For some reason I was really proud to play the office slut for free. 


One day the wardrobe department forgot to put a dress in Chelsea’s car before a big event. I raced over to her mansion, parked outside the gate, ran up the hill, and delivered the gown to her house manager. Somehow I ended up getting locked inside of her property. Nobody answered the door and her assistants never responded to my calls or texts. I wanted to climb over the gate to get out, but I worried I might break it, or it might impale me, so I just nervously waited around her yard. I was scared Chelsea might call the cops and report me as a trespasser. What if I got arrested for doing my job? What if the security footage ended up on the show? Chelsea was too busy to know what was going on. Chunk judged me through the window. He wanted to be outside while I wanted to be inside. Somebody must have eventually seen me, because the gates randomly opened, and I managed to escape.


When I first started working there I was so young, innocent, and naive. I remember the comedians talking about how they wanted to get an eight ball for the holiday party. I thought they wanted one of those plastic magic eight ball toys to answer random questions. Luckily my queer friends in WEHO cleared up that confusion real fast, before I made a complete fool out of myself in front of the comedians. They all lowkey scared the shit out of me.


The world was a different place back then. Comedy was funny. People made jokes and didn’t care about offending other people. In a way, that was kind of the point. Being able to laugh at ourselves and others helped make life more bearable. There were no real rules back then, which was why we had so much fun. People got way more sensitive over the years, including me.


It was wild to see Jim Carrey shamelessly rawdog his ADHD vibes at Chelsea Lately. I’ve always appreciated artists who embrace authenticity despite all the societal pressures to be basic. 


I’ve always loved Jim Carrey. He’s a real renaissance artist. Actor, painter, dancer, writer, chameleon extraordinaire! His work can be so funny, yet dark. All the dramatic highs and lows speak to me. I usually enjoy hearing his perspectives on art, religion, politics, and spirituality. 


Everything Jim Carrey did should’ve been cringe, but it was so fucking hot. Confidence plus humor equals sexy. Guess you could say he has a certain je ne sais quoi! Just ignore my daddy issues and go with it. 


Justin Bieber came on Chelsea Lately towards the beginning of his career. He kept trying to flirt with Chelsea during their interview. Since Justin was just a teenager it upset Chelsea. She probably felt like he was framing her to look like a creepy ass pedophile. I thought it was kinda funny. Little did Chelsea know that an unpaid teenager was in the next room drinking all her vodka.


Maybe Chelsea did know about me. Maybe she knew what was going on the whole time. Maybe she just looked the other direction. Maggie would always say things like “Chelsea is so proud of you!” and I’d think “Chelsea doesn’t even know that I fucking exist!” The whole thing was such a mind fuck.


By the way, when Chelsea got mad at Justin for hitting on her I thought that she couldn’t take a joke and that she was being too dramatic. Now that all the Diddy White Party Freak Off stories have come out, I know that Chelsea made the right decision. Unfortunately Justin Bieber was used to adults taking advantage of him emotionally, morally, sexually, and financially. So many hosts and celebrities were inappropriately hitting on him publicly when he was just a little boy. Back in those days I really wanted to go to a Diddy White Party, I had the worst FOMO, but now I’m glad that I wasn’t invited.


I was an intern, a coffee barista, and a college student all at the same time. It was a bit much, especially considering how much I was partying.


One time when I was working at the register at Starbucks a lady asked me if she could use the restroom. When I told her that we didn’t have a bathroom she screamed, pulled down her pants, and took a massive shit on the floor. The intense rage and eye contact seemed unnecessary. I ran to the back of the store, told the manager what happened, and announced that I wouldn’t be cleaning it up. His eyes rolled into the back of his skull while he let out a long audible exhale. He took care of the mess and quit that job shortly after. 


Most of my barista coworkers were stoned surfers, who taught me all about sex and drugs. It was the education I needed. Their wisdom made me seem like less of a fucking loser around the comedians. We often closed the coffee shop early to hotbox the place and eat all the pastries. Starbucks didn’t have any security cameras back then, so nobody gave a fuck about anything.  


One day while I was working, a mentally ill homeless man asked me a series of questions about bus routes that I was unable to answer. He yelled at me for being a selfish bitch and threw someone's innocent latte on the ground. Whatever I said must have deeply upset him. After that he started stalking me around town, which was fucking terrifying. He came back to the shop a few days later, to show off his collection of knives that were lining the inside of his jacket. Then he gave my coworkers a “present” for me. It was a rusty old penny, in hopes that I would “shove it up my asshole and die a horrible blood curdling painful death.” The new manager told me to never come back to that Starbucks again.  


The company transferred me to a different location, which was stalker free, and way less chaotic. Some might say I was the crazy one there, instead of the customers. On my last day I wore hillbilly teeth to work and most people thought they were real. My coworkers loved it, they put me on register. Only men shared their verbal opinions about my appearance. One dude was such an asshole, he ranted about surgical options, while his girlfriend elbowed him to shut up. Another guy got startled and spilt hot coffee all over himself. One guy commented that I could potentially be attractive if I fixed my teeth. My social experiment proved how shallow people can be, especially in California. 


The Chelsea Lately comedians were proud of me for pranking strangers. It felt like I was finally part of the crew. We even kept that stupid joke going by doing a sexy photoshoot with fake hillbilly teeth. 


Around that same time Maggie got really into Agape, an LA Christian based religion focused around love and positivity. She acted ecstatically happy all the time and got rid of all of her belongings. 


Maggie confidently believed in manifestation, positive thinking, and the law of attraction. We expected our lives to be filled with fame and fortune. She started posting about her beliefs around the same time the network changed filming locations. It didn’t look good for the show. Some might say it wasn’t “on brand.” 


The show cut her from production, so we both had to find new jobs. Luckily Maggie always knew how to look on the brightside. She dreamed of being a famous rapper and finally had time to pursue that goal. 


Working in the entertainment industry taught me way more than school did. Colleges were ripping off young people, by charging them tons of money to learn about outdated technology. There was no need to learn about media from old people, old equipment, or old textbooks. 


Going into debt over a piece of paper, just to impress some old squares, never made sense to me. College parties sucked compared to stand up shows, red carpet events, and Playboy mansion parties.


My family totally freaked out when I told them that I dropped out of school to pursue show business. Chelsea never went to college and she was fine! Somehow I’d learn how to survive. 


Going to an elite school could get me into rooms or parties with the right people, but so could show business! I could make impressive connections while working in Hollywood, without having to go into massive amounts of debt. That route sounded way more fun, exciting, and lucrative.


I knew that my curiosity and adventures would continue to expand my mind. I could always keep learning new things from experiences, travels, books, stories, shows, etc. There's always much more room for improvement. 


Ho hired me to be his assistant. He was a comedian on Chelsea Lately for years. It was awkward working as a personal bitch for someone who didn’t trust me. Ho would ask me my opinion on things, but do the exact opposite every time. I tried to talk him out of so many bad wardrobe choices. Chelsea always roasted him for being a fame whore with terrible outfits. He obviously enjoyed being bullied by her. Ho always worried that I didn’t find him funny. I went to most of his standup comedy shows and he would get upset if I didn’t laugh out loud during his routines. 


I heard his jokes repeated so many times. If you want to hold an audience, keep things new and fresh! He had a good bit about his mom, who’s name is Kum Ho. I guess it was more of a fun fact than a joke, but it was still funny. 


Whenever Theo Von performed I nearly died laughing. I’d be crying while suffocating in response to his jokes. One time he performed in Irvine and I was the only person in the audience laughing out loud. I slid into his DMs after the show and said “Rough crowd, but I think you’re funny!” He said “Yeah, Irvine is full of tight asses.” As someone who’s from Orange County, I couldn't agree more! We exchanged numbers, but never spoke, or saw each other again after that. I’m sure we both have different phone numbers now, but I still have him saved in my contacts. Ho was funny too, but his sense of humor was a little too tame for my taste. Nikki Glaser slut shaming herself while roasting the fuck out of celebrity strangers was way more my speed. 


My favorite work days were when I got to assist Ho at E! News. I idolized hosts like Joan Rivers and Chelsea Handler, so I couldn’t believe I was working with or around them. Maybe someday I could be a confident funny blonde bitch on tv too!


Whenever I was in the same rooms as Joan Rivers and Chelsea Handler I felt completely invisible. Even though I was right there next to them, it was like watching them on TV or behind glass in a zoo. I remember walking by the Fashion Police in the hallways at E! Kelly Osbourne was the only host that looked me in the eye, said hello, and asked me how I was doing. She’s the only famous person I’ve met that treated me like a human being. It’s not like we were besties, but it was nice to have her acknowledge my existence.  


Ho didn’t trust any of his employees. One time he had me stay at his place to watch over his maids, because he was afraid they might steal something. His apartment was extremely modern and minimalistic. There was nothing for them to take even if they wanted to. Towards the end of their shift, I ran downstairs to put some money in my parking meter. While I was outside, a fire started in his building, and I got locked out. His maids were gone by the time I got back inside. Ho fired me after the fire. 


Years passed by while I watched Maggie post some questionable pictures online. They concerned me, then inspired me to reach out. I relentlessly questioned her until she confessed that she was living on the streets. 


When I got Maggie to meet up with me her skin was so sunburnt and her clothes were falling apart. It was wild to watch someone fall so far that fast. Her life looked like a dream turned into a nightmare. 


She was still so positive, despite losing everything. Maggie believed that experience was the street cred she needed to fulfill her dream of becoming a famous rapper. 


Maggie told me stories about the different homeless clicks and how they would perform or compete in the streets. They had dance and rap battles on Santa Monica Beach and Skid Row. Maggie’s struggles made her strong and fearless. She hit rock bottom, survived, and felt completely invincible. 


Homeless people in LA are usually pretty talented. They moved there with big dreams, but never accomplished their goals. There are actually really hot homeless people all over that city. Most of them can’t hold a home or a job long term due to addictions and mental illnesses. 


Maggie apologized to me for making me work as her secret illegal intern. She confessed that she collected all the paychecks for all the hard work that I completed at Chelsea Lately. On some level I kinda already knew the truth. Luckily that experience led me towards other opportunities. In a way she helped me more than she hurt me. We agreed to laugh it off and put our past mistakes behind us. I considered her my best friend, before I knew that she was taking advantage of me. It’s smart to forgive, but dumb to forget!


Maggie was too embarrassed to ask for help, but that didn’t stop me from reaching out to Chelsea’s other assistants. I was concerned for her safety. 


Chelsea gave Maggie money for clothes, doctors appointments, and a ticket back to her home state. There’s nothing wrong with being rich. The more money you have the more you’re able to help others! 


The last time I saw Maggie was when I drove her to the train station. I told her that LA fucking sucks. It isn’t worth all the pain and suffering. Maybe at a certain point it’s best to let go of some dreams and move on. It was time for her to go somewhere nicer, better, calmer, fresher, and easier. 


I should have listened to my own advice. Little did I know that I was about to face my own series of borderline amazing rock bottom moments as well. 


Everyone has problems, no matter what their lives look like on the outside. 


Our biggest fuck ups are our best stories. 

Let’s laugh and learn from them together. 


CHAPTER III: TASTE THE LIMELIGHT

After abruptly quitting my job during a psychedelic comedown, I came across a Craigslist post from an anonymous company. They were looking for chatty people who love comedy and pop culture. It sounded like a great fit for me, so I went ahead and applied. 


The company ended up being TMZ, one of the biggest entertainment news outlets. During the interview I gossiped about Vanderpump Rules and Real Housewives, which impressed them, so they offered me a job. 


So just to recap, I heard about Robin Williams death through a TMZ report while tripping on mushrooms. It inspired me to go after my goal of being on TV, so I applied to a random Craiglist job post for an unidentifiable company, which got me on the show TMZ. It felt weirdly full circle. What a fucking trip.


Since an early age I intuitively felt like I was supposed to be in the public eye. It was never necessarily a goal or desire to be straight up famous. Recognition can lead towards money, success, popularity, support, ego boosts, and opportunities…but there’s always a catch. 


Sacrificing safety and privacy is usually the cost of fame. It seems to leave most people feeling empty and broken. For some reason I still wanted to put myself out there, despite all my anxious introverted tendencies, and all the potential downsides. Something about that lifestyle looked exhilarating.


Passionate people inspire me to embark on all sorts of creative adventures. There are undeniable powers that come from confidence, talent, and having a platform. 


I loved being on TV. That sounds vain, but whatever. Part of me really enjoys high intensity things, because they make my anxieties feel more normal. 


If I’m on a rollercoaster or a stage it makes sense for me to be a little stressed, frightened, jittery, nauseous, excited, surprised, nervous, or overwhelmed. If I have bad anxiety while nothing is happening it feels wrong. 


Most people in my life don’t perceive me as shy or introverted, and maybe I’m not. I just felt that way next to other performers who were much more loud, bold, confident, outspoken, and extraverted.

 

TMZ broke all the big stories and the other outlets would copy them. I was shocked to see how credible and accurate they were. There was a fast paced sense of urgency and pressure to break stories before anyone else. TMZ on TV shared our personal opinions, which gave the show a unique edge.


I totally trust TMZ, but that’s about it. Most other outlets are total fucking bullshit. A lot of magazines, tabloids, blogs, and social media accounts are filled with ridiculous rumors. Celebrities have to deal with people lying about them all the time. If you believe everything you see or hear that’s on you! 


One time I heard a rumor going around about how Lizzo killed someone with her weight while crowd surfing. It was just a bullshit lie from some loser on the internet, but imagine reading something like that about yourself.


Another time I saw a picture of Paris Hilton in a white wife beater tank top that read “STOP BEING POOR.” She didn’t actually wear that, some asshole photoshopped that onto her fucking outfit. 


Working for TMZ changed my perspective on life, news, and the media. They hired me to work as tour guide and cast member on the show. We recorded in the mornings, went off to our other TMZ jobs, then watched the final edit air in the evenings. 


On the show a bunch of us sat around the office to chat about the latest entertainment news stories. They expected me to bring in some footage of celebrity sightings from my tours, but that rarely happened. It was awkward going up to famous people with a camera in the wild. I didn’t know how they might react. I never intended to be invasive. 

 

It’s crazy how many people have kissed my ass or cussed me out because of my association with TMZ. Most days I came into the show with no footage, but the producers still gave me clips to work with. We took turns pitching stories based on our recordings, then everyone would chime in to add their own opinions. 


Some of our chats evolved into hilarious banter while others flopped. The editors turned our conversations into quick little bits. We never knew what parts of the show might make the final edit. Sometimes our conversations seemed funnier and more interesting in real life, other times the editors and voiceover artists really helped us out. The funniest shit people said was too inappropriate to air on TV. 


One time we talked about an actor overdosing then going to rehab. One of my coworkers said “It’s just coke. What’s the big deal?” We all died laughing, because it’s always snowing in Hollywood! 


The producers usually gave me footage to pitch that interested me. I tried to call dibs on all the Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber stories. Most of my favorite stars weren’t discussed often. Nobody cared for my Flight of the Conchords references. I wanted to know what Chris Lilley and Noel Fielding were up to, but they’re too far out of the Thirty Mile Zone.


The TMZ tours were on public streets, so we had to deal with traffic, fans, stars, cops, and crazies. If we spotted any famous people, it was my job to interview them for the show. I had no problem talking in front of tourists or cameras, but I felt so fucking awkward approaching random celebrities on the streets. Some encounters were iconic moments of my life, but I could tell they were pretty forgettable conversations to them. Passengers would often spot famous people and I wouldn’t know who they were. It was hard trying to interview someone I knew nothing about. When in doubt I would just ask them their opinion on whatever we talked about on the show. 


Some fame whores were dying to be seen. They would linger by the famous hot spots on the bus route, waiting for us to give them attention. If I didn’t feel like talking to people, I would pretend like there was no room to park or time due to traffic. They would get angry when I had the driver keep going, instead of pulling over to chat with them.


There were also tons of stars who hated TMZ. They bolted when they saw me on the bus. A few of them refused to talk to the tourists or cameras. Some of them cussed me out for drawing attention towards them. I think those people are fucking idiots. They just made themselves look bad. Why not embrace free publicity and use it to your advantage? They felt like TMZ was interfering with their personal lives and privacy, while we thought that we were helping their careers. Now I see both sides. I became fans of people I hated and hated people I used to love. 


Paris Hilton had the best footage. She was always so kind and patient with her fans. It looked like she genuinely enjoyed taking pictures with people. Her hot rich bitch persona was totally an act. She had a much deeper voice in real life. My coworkers told me that she had a chill down to earth stoner vibe in person, which kind of surprised me. 


I got to guest host some shows where we would talk about celebrities outfits and rate them for being fab or drab. I thought it was funny, but people gave me so much shit for judging other women. Whatever. Anyone with anything worth talking about is going to have people talking about them. 


Arts and entertainment should be discussed. Especially if it’s controversial enough to stir up a room. Could you imagine if Lady Gaga released a new album and nobody talked about it? No comment about Seth Rogen's latest film? No response after an Andy Cohen reunion? That would totally fucking suck!


Lala was my favorite cast member from Vanderpump Rules. She co-hosted TooFab with me one time. We judged designer red carpet looks while I wore an ugly ass outfit from fucking ROSS. I wince at the thought of my Goodwill shoes and unnecessary extra buttons. Lala fucking slayed. I loved her style, vibes, humor, and energy. I didn’t know if I wanted to be her or be with her.   


Back in the day I hosted a Vanderpump Rules After Show at Afterbuzz. I had interviewed most of the cast members except for Lisa Vanderpump. One day I went up to her at PUMP in West Hollywood. I introduced myself and asked her if she would be willing to do an interview with me someday. 


Lisa snarled back in her bitchy British accent “No. Giggy is signed with CAA. You can reach out to his agent. Maybe he’ll give you the time of day.” Then she handed me her dog’s agent’s business card. I actually grabbed it, while walking backwards in slow motion. It took me a few minutes to process our interaction. It wasn’t just cringe, it was mortifying.


Whenever my coworkers pitched stories about Lisa Vanderpump I’d interrupt and yell “Why the fuck are we talking about this bitch again!?!? Can we talk about anyone else!?!” They would listen to me and move on to other stories. 


Sometimes when I went by SUR and PUMP on the TMZ Tour bus I’d see Lisa waiting outside for attention. I’d tell the drivers “Don’t stop! Just ignore her!” 


The other tour guides would interview her, but I would interrupt their pitches on the show. Lisa complained about how she did tons of TMZ interviews, but never got featured in the final edits. Lisa probably watched that show every fucking night in hopes of seeing herself get some free publicity, but she had to watch ME on TV instead!


Karma’s a bitch, just like Lisa Vanderpump!


I continued to watch The Real Housewives and Vanderpump Rules despite disliking Lisa in real life. It’s too bad we didn’t click. We both love animals, elaborate cocktails, and playing dress up!  


Vanderpump Rules is the greatest show of all time. Even though Lisa is a fucking bitch, it’s totally worth watching from season one. It deserves all the Emmys. Lisa’s character is totally irreverent on the show, minus it featuring her name and restaurants. Just fast forward through her boring scenes.


In Beverly Hills I often ran into Real Housewives. I talked to Kyle Richards all the time through her car windows. She was always so incredibly nice to me. I loved her whole family! When I told her that she was my favorite she said “Don’t say that too loud. Lisa Vanderpump might hear you!” Girl I want Lisa to fucking hear me. Fuck that bitch! 


Even though I watched tons of TV it was hard to remember all the famous people. Most of the time I wondered who the fuck we were talking about. 


Smoking weed before the show did not help. By the time I finally thought of something to say we were onto the next topic. Timing my comments was the hardest part. I couldn’t stop interrupting everyone. I wondered if I might be neurodivergent.


People around me would get so beyond stoked to see certain celebrities. Even though I knew that we were meeting important people they didn’t make me feel any different. 


What’s the big deal? They're just people. Rich, popular people. 

Was I missing something? Or was I just fucking depressed? 


One of my coworkers asked me why I looked like a deer in the headlights. Her comments made me realize how apparent my anxiety issues were. The lights were too bright, the sounds were too loud, and there were too many fucking people everywhere! My lifestyle was such a sensory overload. It was screens in front of screens with some more fucking screens. I wondered if I was on the spectrum and on the verge of autistic burnout. Everyone handled the politics and stress of the entertainment industry better than me. 


I think that minimalism is a societal response to sensory overload. Most art and architecture got simplified post smartphones. Older things are usually a little more extra or over designed, because there was a greater demand for entertainment back in those times. Now people crave a moment of calming peaceful nothing. Humans need silence sometimes. 


TMZ hired people with big personalities who said and did whatever the fuck they wanted to. I’ve always appreciated people who do their own thing, so it was fun being surrounded by interesting authentic characters. 


Comedy has helped me through so many hard times. It didn’t take long for me to realize that most comedians are really depressed. If you can’t hold a “real job” because you’re an emo stoner alcoholic, try working in comedy! Laughter eases pain. 


People slept around the office, but it was pretty secretive, compared to the other places I worked. I discussed bikini bodies and sex tapes while averting eyecontact from the guy I was fucking on the show. It’s kinda crazy that we 

got paid to watch porn at work with our horny coworkers. 


One morning a bunch of people were gathered around an office computer. They were watching Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, and Pamela Anderson sex tapes while drinking coffee. Some of the guys kept making comments about their “lack of performance” because they weren’t acting like real porn stars. It made me uncomfortable, so I went outside to smoke, and take a break. 


I loved working with Harvey Levin. His humor, self discipline, and work ethic was next level inspiring! I was usually tired and bloated from binging Astro Burger after bottomless mimosas. Maybe if I ate blueberries with kombucha while working out with Arnold Schwarzenegger I’d be snatched and mentally quick like him too.    


Harvey and I were both queer, but kinda secretive about it. Sometimes I’d make the gayest comments on the show and Harvey was the only person who would notice (or at least he was the only one who would call me out). 


TMZ helped me come out of my shell. My close friends knew that I was a bisexual stoner, but I was still pretty closeted around judgemental family members. For some reason I had no problem talking about women or weed on TV, even though I avoided those topics in real life, especially around my strict close minded family members.  


Sharing my thoughts and opinions at work inspired me to finally come out. My mom thought that I wanted to be bi, because it was kinda trendy. She gossiped about my sexuality being just another one of my desperate ploys for attention. Getting judged and cyber bullied by homophobic assholes was brutal. Becoming shameless enough to be myself was liberating. 


Authenticity provokes repressed people.  


I always knew that I was bisexual, but felt like I couldn’t label myself as bi without real experience. So I met a really rich famous couple on Tinder in the valley. They were looking for a unicorn which sounded like fun to me. 


Alex was the heir of a famous fashion line and Dana produced a bunch of sexy mainstream movies. We gossiped about both of them on TMZ all the time. I still can’t believe that I met them through Tinder. 


Alex was married to a woman for years before dating Dana. My car was so busted and I didn’t want either of them to know that I was poor, so I had my friend drop me off at their Toluca Lake mansion. They gave me tours of their wine cellars, weed collections, sports cars, and weapons. Since both of them liked women, they had threesomes with hot Playboy models pretty regularly. 


Before we hooked up they asked me my age. For some reason I jokingly said that I was sixteen, because I thought that was funny. Dana freaked out and told me to get the fuck out of their house. I laughed then showed them my ID and explained that I have a weird sense of humor. Luckily I calmed them back down. They were both kinda soft spoken and serious compared to me. We got wine wasted on their boat before having a threesome, which totally confirmed how fucking gay I am. 


After that I tried dating girls, but they all scared the shit out of me. Lesibans move fast. One girl introduced me to her mom on our first date. We went to The Abbey and her family just happened to be going to SUR and PUMP. The second time we hung out I met her friends, who said they were excited that she finally met the one. She was the last single person in their friend group. Everyone was so coupled up. That was some fucking Noah’s Ark shit! After that she ordered us the biggest blackest strapon. It terrified me. Girl scared me straight!


Dating in LA sucked. Everyone seemed way too into themselves to care about other people. One time my friend Emy came over to hang out at my place with our friends before a date. The guy she was going to meet up with  asked if he could see pictures of what her friends look like. Emy sent him a few photos and he responded by saying “My friends don’t want to cross the 405 for your friends.” Emy still planned on meeting up with him later, but he stood her up. He ghosted her, but at least nobody had to cross the 405. 


For the longest time I had a crush on my friend Cryus. It felt like we were the only people in Hollywood that looked at the stars in the sky instead of the ones on the ground. We both seemed connected to the moon. He even liked cats! People who care about nature and animals are hot as fuck. Sadly he had a girlfriend. It was easy to ignore her existence when they were long distance, but after she moved to LA we stopped hanging out. I expected him to dump her, because she wasn’t hot, nice, or funny. Maybe she was secretly rich or good at sucking dick. IDFK.


One of my friends said she was straight, but liked playing around with girls, which sounded like fun to me. We hooked up with no future expectations. It was great in the moment, but it totally fucked up our friendship, and made things weird. 


I had a stupid little crush on one of my bosses at TMZ. He had a wife, but joked that she was just for the green card. His accent was kinda hot when he showered me with compliments. We spent most of our time gossiping while chain smoking cigarettes on the clock. 


Getting involved in stupid third party bullshit was a toxic pattern in my life. Guess it was my weird way of avoiding relationships all together. There was too much societal pressure to couple up. If I had a crush on someone who was taken, that could be a good alibi as to why I didn’t have a relationship. 


It was a great way to avoid getting hurt, rejected, or abandoned. You can’t lose something you never had. Honestly I think I romanticized third party bullshit after playing Marilyn. I don’t think either of us intended to be so destructive. Drugs, booze, and traumas can hinder people’s morals. 


When I hear about people cheating or being mistresses I usually sympathize with them. I recognize that their actions can be seen as wrong or immoral, but those types of people have usually endured extreme hardships that led them to do some fucked up shit. 


I never thought that Marilyn Mornoe was evil. She was an abandoned orphan who was sexually abused and taken advantage of throughout her short sad life. Drugs, trauma, anxiety, and depression dictated her actions.


My original love for celebrity gossip stemmed from having such a tight leash. Sexy wild slutty bad girls fascinated me. I continued to follow pop culture to keep up with my favorite artists. Many creatives have big dreams, but only a few of them actually go after them. 


Being around successful goal oriented people could motivate me to finally get my shit together. Tearing artists down was never my intention. 


So many people have asked me if I ever felt bad for talking shit about other people. To be honest, I didn’t really see myself that way. I thought I was the nice one on the show. It’s not like I was trying to talk mad shit about people, I was just explaining or commenting on whatever happened. Most people gossip about others, whether they’re paid to do so or not. 


Okay, maybe I was a professional gossiper, who totally talked mad shit, but whatever. Maybe I was just jealous, because I wanted what they had. 


It’s not like I was trying to destroy Judd Apatow. I want to be friends with him! Maybe someday we could smoke a joint and write a script together. He likes comedies and cats too! Creative collaboration was my motive, but I had the wrong approach. 


Who you know is how status is measured in LA.


When I introduced myself to Stassi from Vanderpump Rules she said “I know who you are. You’re that girl that called me a bitch on TV.” In my defense Stassi won the title “Villain of the Year” at an award show, so I wasn’t the only person to have that initial impression. I actually really liked Stassi on the show and in person. I’m super inspired by her career path. Hopefully I didn’t hurt her feelings too much, because I’m a big fan! I love how she's a preppy bubbly blonde bitch that’s obsessed with darkness and murder. 


There’s nothing wrong with being a bitch. I’ve always loved bitches on TV like Andy Cohen, Joan Rivers, Chelsea Handler, and Stassi Schroeder. I want to be a bad bitch too!


Haters make stars. Every successful person has people talking about them. If they don’t have anything to say about you or your work, that’s a problem. Just because someone has an opinion that doesn’t mean you need to take it. 


I’ve watched enough reality tv and celebrity gossip shows to know that being a crazy fucking bitch can weirdly pay off. Do people make up lies, rumors, or theories about you? If so, that means you’re a star. Let them talk. Let them fucking talk!


My favorite reality shows feature people who create their own things. It’s exciting to watch their ideas unfold and see what obstacles get in their way. I’ve spent hours watching housewives turn into models, authors, popstars, actors, and business owners. Even when their goals flop, it’s exciting to see how they personally evolve and transform their entrepreneurial visions. 


Fame doesn’t necessarily require talent. A lot of Hollywood stars have back stories involving sex, politics, lawyers, bribes, money, agents, or technology. I grew up around artists that were way more gifted than most people on TV. Sadly they didn’t have the connections, confidence, or drive to “make it” to that level. 


I love seeing artists do their own thing. Dave Chappelle ditched Hollywood for Yellow Springs Ohio and Tyler Perry created his own film empire around Atlanta. I’m such a sucker for watching stars abandon LA or NY for random small towns. It’s a great reminder that we can be creative no matter where we live. 


Most people who make it big seem to have a really strong sense of self. They are firm about their values and purpose despite what others think. It’s all an act for some people, but they are professionally fake with financial incentive. 


Being on TV changed my relationships drastically. My day to day life wasn’t very different, but people altered their perspectives of me. Fame whores that never gave me the time of day, suddenly wanted to be my best friend. They thought that associating with me would lead towards notoriety. The people that I expected to be supportive never watched me on the show. My friends got jealous and weird, so they stopped opening up to me. They excluded me from all the tea, because they thought I would tell everyone about it on the show. It’s funny they thought their muggle lives were juicy enough for TMZ. Maybe they should have been more concerned about my journaling habits. Some people wanted to be friends with me while I worked on the show, but once I quit they had nothing to do with me. Acquaintances assumed I made bank and expected me to spend money on them. I was still a broke ass tour guide talking about show business, but my job was more publicly seen. Just because someone’s on camera that doesn't mean they’re rich. 


Tour guides and reporters need stories just as much as artists need publicity. People spend tons of money on publicists, when they could get free coverage from media outlets. Successful creatives use TMZ to their advantage. Some public figures would ask if they could do interviews with me to promote their latest work. Those were always the best interactions. They were excited to get coverage and I was stoked to have footage for the show. It’s smart to collaborate, help eachother out, and be on the same team. 


50 Cent was a guest host on TMZ one time when Harvey was out of town. When we cut to commercial break I yelled across the room “FIDDY!!! THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU YOU WERE FUCKING MY BOSS CHELSEA HANDLER!” The camera crew screamed back at me “WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY THAT WHEN WE WERE FILMING?!?” 50 ran up to me and gave me a huge hug. He said “I knew it! You keep looking at me like I’m supposed to know who you are!” 


As if HE would remember ME? I was his ex-situationships secret underaged illegal invisible intern years ago. I wasn’t even sure if Chelsea knew about my existence. One of my coworkers asked him “Would you rather host TMZ again or get shot again?” Fiddy joked that he’d rather take more bullets. 


I love Fiddy, but if I didn’t I wouldn’t admit it. He takes beef to the next level. 50 Cent's pettiness and trolling skills inspire me. It’s never too late to stand up for yourself or seek revenge! I actually really enjoyed my personal vendetta against Lisa Vanderpump while working at TMZ. It made my job way more fun, plus I got to help underrated underdogs get some publicity.


Being on TV had its perks, like getting free food and drinks all over town. Most LA business owners knew the power of the media. If I were to name drop their bars and restaurants on tours or TV shows that could be great publicity for them. 


The Abbey was my go-to spot. I was friends with the owners and managers who always hooked me up. During my TMZ Tours I would stop by for a quick shot of tequila. I had a fucking blast living and partying in West Hollywood.


One time I saw Nick Jonas getting tacos on Sunset Boulevard while I was giving a tour. He hopped on the TMZ Tour bus and we gave him a ride. Nick told us some intense stalker stories. When he was doing a Jonas Brothers tour in South America girls kept sneaking into his cars, luggage, and hotel rooms. I can’t believe how creepy people stalk celebrities. TMZ may seem invasive towards famous people, but trust me their fans are much worse. 


TMZ is separate from the paparazzi. They have their own camera people in LA and New York, but they also buy pictures and footage from the paparazzi. People often reach out to TMZ in hopes of getting publicity. Celebrities hire publicists to help them get media attention. It’s all part of a big machine that makes people famous!


I staged a little publicity stunt with Chuy from Chelsea Lately just for fun. I told him to wait outside by The Saddle Ranch on Sunset Boulevard. When I drove by on the tour bus I acted surprised like “OH. MY. GOD. IS THAT CHUY BRAVO FROM CHELSEA LATELY?!? TMZ CELEBRITY SIGHTING!” When he got on the bus one of the drunk girls onboard gave him a lap dance. I filmed it and pitched it on the show the next day. He was so happy to be back on TV. 


Chuy asked me out on a movie date. I loved him as a friend, but I wasn’t interested in him romantically, so I told him that I was busy. Shortly after that he DIED. I felt SO BAD. Maybe I should’ve gone out with him anyway. He had such a great spirit and sense of humor. Rest In Peace Little Nugget.  


During one of my tours I made a stupid joke comment about The Church of Scientology. They had huge signs all over Hollywood, it was kinda hard not to mention them. My tour bus happened to be filled with Scientologists who were outraged. They told their church and the congregation confronted TMZ. My managers called me into the office for a very serious meeting. I thought I was going to get fired. 


They told me to respect their beliefs by never speaking about their “religion” again. Every time my bosses said “religion” they used air quotes. We made fun of everyone and everything on TMZ, but Scientologists were deemed off limits, because of me? I wish I could remember what I said on that tour. I’ve heard terrifying stories about people getting on The Church of Scientology’s bad side. I didn’t want to be another one of their enemies who mysteriously went missing.  


My roommate Betsy got jealous of the attention I was receiving. She told me that she wanted to cut off my face and wear it as a mask, so people would like her more. She sounded like a total fucking psychopath, so I told her to move back to bumfuck Alamaba. In response she threw a bunch of ceramic plates at me, but luckily she had a bad aim. After that I broke my lease and moved in with my best friend Kaia, who I lived and worked with for years. 


Kaia gave me a kitten as a present, because I was sad to say bye to Betsy’s cat. Giving people pets as gifts is not always the best idea. They require lots of love and care. It’s a big responsibility, but I’m so grateful for my kitty boy! Kaia thought it would be hilarious to give our black cat a black name. She’s a Star Wars nerd so she named him Lando, but she almost named him Denzel. My black friends think Lando’s name suits his looks and personality perfectly. White people get upset and offended over it. If I explain that my nerdy black friend named our cat, that makes things worse, and digs my grave deeper. 


I can’t believe how many people make racist or superstitious comments about my black cat. I love Lando more than everyone and everything. He’s my soulmate. My ride or die kitty baby! He’s been by my side through thick and thin. Lando has been the only real source of stability throughout my life. 


TMZ was surprisingly filled with nature and animal lovers. When my dog Freckles died my coworkers were more empathetic than everyone else. My boss Harvey was a vegan. He wanted to become a pescetarian to get extra protein, but he felt guilty for eating fish, because they’re “too majestic.”


My dog Freckles was my best friend and like a brother to me. He was hyper, goofy, and never did anything halfway. He had the world's biggest smile, it always looked like he was laughing. I could’ve had the worst day ever, but coming home to his happy face always made everything better. We danced, played dress up, and had elaborate photoshoots together in the wilderness. I’m an only child, so my pets have always been like family to me. Freckles had such a big impact on people. Whenever I run into childhood friends we reminisce about him. He was larger than life. Losing him destroyed me. 


Around that time my mom’s longterm boyfriend Clark legally adopted me. Shortly after that she dumped him and ran off with a stoner surfer dude that she met at yoga. I was left in the middle and had to explain what happened to everyone. All of my mom’s breakups were such emotional rollercoasters. 


Clark and his family continued to spoil me and include me even after that disastrous breakup. The whole thing was traumatizing, but now I’m glad it happened. They weren’t very compatible anyway.  


Partying was my way of coping with pain. Binge drinking and chain smoking while snorting West Hollywood up my nose was fun yet destructive. Traumas create addicts! 


Turns out that if you talk shit, watch shit, and consume shit, you’ll start to feel like shit. It took me a long time to learn that there are healthier ways to release pain and heal. 


In LA I often hit Hollywood breaking points. After a long day of cringe worthy auditions or filming I would pack up my car and bail. Alone time with nature calmed me down and helped me feel grounded. Big Sur was my usual goto spot. I’d drive up the winding coast with black coffee, the perfect playlist, and a pack of cigarettes. I always made sure to bring plenty of bomb weed and comfy clothes. Walking around the beautiful rocks, plants, and waters was always healing. I got do whatever the fuck I wanted to do, because I was all by myself. If you enjoy your own company you’ll never really be lonely!


I accidentally ate a 100mg edible one night before filming. It hit me at work the next morning and I malfunctioned on air. The producers yelled “DANICA IT’S YOUR TURN TO PITCH!” I responded “WHAT?” in a Seth Rogan stoner voice. Then Havey said “Oh my god I forgot that it’s 420.” It just happened to be my favorite holiday, which kinda gave me a pass, thank god. 


People kept making comments about my attitude and appearance on TV. They urged me to put more effort into my hair, makeup, and outfits. I simply didn’t have the neurotypical drive or energy to keep up the good work.


My family collapsed, my dog died, and my friends sucked. Plus I publicly came out of the closet which was traumatizing. It was hard to read all the hater troll comments about my personality and sexuality. I didn’t give a fuck about anything. I wanted to die. 


Harvey came up with the concept of TMZ while drinking margs and gossiping about celebrities with his friends. Those types of hangouts were always my favorite past times. I couldn't imagine life without margs and juicy hot goss! Harvey ended up going stone cold sober while I was working for him. His ability to handle the stress of his job and the news really impressed me. 


I got invited to speak at an arts event for kids alongside some reputable broadcasters. Sam Rubin, one of the best news anchors, was alongside me at the event. Before we went on stage he came up and introduced himself. I couldn’t believe Sam Rubin knew who I was! My mom watched him on KTLA every morning throughout my childhood! Sam told me that Harvey stopped inviting him to his parties. I bitched that he didn’t invite me to any either! We heard that Harvey would throw big parties at his fabulous homes and wish all of his guests goodnight around 8pm while walking up the stairs before going to bed. It sounded like a scene from The Sound of Music.


Sam Rubin had great stories and career advice for the kids at the event. My stoned ass told the children that any publicity could be good publicity, before losing my train of thought. All the professional news hosts, reporters, and anchors disagreed. I wondered if Sam Rubin knew that I was baked. Maybe we should have thrown our own party. A little puff puff pass in the parking lot could’ve been fun! 


A few TMZ stories wrecked me emotionally. When Lamar Odom overdosed at a brothel we had to call some prostitutes to get the full story. TMZ has a fun comedic energy which was pretty hard to hold while talking about tragedies. I didn’t want to joke about drugs or hookers that day, because he could have been dead by the time the show aired. There’s no need to act distasteful or disrespectful while somebody’s life is on the line. Plus I felt so bad for Khloe! 


Seeing her go through so much was heartbreaking. Khloe has always been beautiful and hilarious, but sadly you can see the traumas and insecurities brewing from within. Even wealthy famous people who seem to have it all go through devastating life changing events. 


But at least hardships make us funnier. Some people think that dark humor is concerning, but they haven’t been through enough to know how hilarious or healing it can be. 


I wanted to work on comedy shows to ease my pain. Those jobs were a strange mix of sadness and happiness. Some of the funniest people have darkest pasts. Like Bobby Lee! He was a total fucking meth head by age eleven. ELEVEN!!!


When I was growing up I loved watching Lindsay Lohan and Amanda Bynes movies. They’re both such talented actors! It was hard for me to watch fame and drugs destroy the people that I love. 


The story that really fucked me up was about Jim Carrey. His girlfriend overdosed and died. If that wasn’t bad enough, he got sued for it, because the drugs that killed her belonged to him. Watching my favorite artist get harassed, shamed, heartbroken, and exploited was rough. When we talked about it on the show I was speechless. It was exhausting having to urgently discuss people’s deaths on a comedic show. 


I saw Donald Trump while I was working for TMZ. He was campaigning while I was rooting for Bernie. America needs younger politicians that care about environmental issues!


The United States is controlled by geriatric senior citizens. All of our political candidate options looked like they might keel over and die at any moment. 


Most American politicians were born rich and have never struggled. They don’t know what it’s like to be sad, cold, hungry, thirsty, desperate, fucked up, or mentally ill. The people who are in charge can’t relate to the citizens, because they’ve never faced adversity, so they don’t know what the real problems are or how to fix them.


Even though I am not a Trump supporter, it was kinda exciting to see him. He’s the most famous person on earth, but don’t tell him I said that! 


My friend’s sexy hot model friend acted like she didn’t know who Trump was when she met him. She was like “Hi I’m Stephanie! What’s your name?” TO DONALD TRUMP. He was stumped. 


I’d speak up about environmental issues on TMZ, but my comments usually got edited out. I felt pretty morally conflicted about working for FOX during Trump’s big campaign era. It wasn’t aligned with my morals or values. 


I went to Australia to visit my friend Aria around that time. Everyone there asked me about Donald Trump. Australians watch American politics in their bars and restaurants for entertainment. America was a joke and the rest of the world was laughing at us. 


Australia was safe and clean compared to the US. That trip made me want to ditch the states for more international adventures. I should have worked on the show Summer Heights High! 


Oh by the way Australia had intense political drama back then too. The country kept flip flopping. They made gay marriage legal than illegal then legal again. Those cunts need to make up their fucking minds!


All that political stuff was super annoying, because I wanted a vacation away from that shit! I overdosed on Hollywood, news, politics, and social media. 


I don’t agree with people like Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin, or Kim Jong Un… but I would totally have a chat with them. They are some of the most influential and powerful people in the world. I’d do it just for the plot. Plus I’m delusional enough to think that I could help them see our world from a different perspective. 


America became so divided. People stopped talking to people with different viewpoints. If I only talked to people who agree with me I’d probably never speak to anybody ever again.


Such extreme political divides create wars. If we could figure out ways to compromise and meet in the middle some major issues could be resolved. 


Religious extremists founded America a long time ago and the country is still operating on outdated rules and values that don’t fit our current world. Most of the laws and constitutions need a little makeover glow up. 


I want to create a publicity stunt that helps protect wildlife. Famous people watch shows like TMZ all the time, because they want to see what others are saying about them. If influential stars were to give nature and animals space to live and thrive, they could inspire others to do the same. 


Celebrities could document their conservation efforts through social media, documentaries, or reality tv shows. They could get donations and publicity through nonprofits and charity events. 


When Kim Kardashian went vegan she inspired hundreds of thousands of people to do the same. Influencers should influence people positively. Most of them unintentionally encourage others to be wasteful and destructive. 


Could you imagine “Kourtney & Kim Take The Amazon Rainforest.” Maybe Kendall Jenner could create a show about enjoying nature, animals, and tequila! It seems like she really wants to do her own thing anyway. I would totally watch “Khloe & Kylie’s Beach Cleanup Party.” Just spitballing ideas. I should call Kris Jenner!


Want to be a trendsetter? Why not create something that helps others? Let’s rewild ourselves and our planet. We need wildlife and biodiversity to survive!


I love the glitz and the glamor of Hollywood show business, but I hate how much animal cruelty it involves. Let’s figure out cruelty free alternatives for furs, feathers, and leathers. Can somebody please make a line of vegan dance shoes already? Kris Jenner?


I loved working on comedy shows, but it kinda felt like we weren’t allowed to make jokes anymore. It was such a sensitive time. My goal of becoming a TV host seemed pointless. It felt like that profession was generally dying off. 


People would rather see their favorite artists, comedians, or personalities host shows. Someone real, unique, and relatable. Flaws and all! It seemed like everyone was collectively over the fake shallow materialistic bullshit. No more scripted cyborg prostitute TV hosts. I’d rather watch a chaotic mess of an unhinged yet relatable human being on TikTok anyway.  


TMZ was unscripted and featured authentic people, which helped their shows survive. Most other shows, like E! News, had to completely change and adapt to the latest trends in order to maintain an audience. 


The entire time I worked in entertainment news I suffered from creative fomo. I placed too many people on higher pedestals than I put myself. I was living like an extra character in the background of my own movie. I needed to become the main character of my own fucking life! 


Maybe I could model, dance, sing, write, and take fabulous pictures on a beach in the tropics too! At a certain point I realized that I needed to follow my creative impulses, instead of talking about other people and their work. 


I knew that my media knowledge would come in handy somehow someday, no matter where I went next.